tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39679243680471680832023-11-15T07:11:24.374-08:00jrbrownlieJohn Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-83912834261495684522016-07-25T10:38:00.003-07:002016-07-25T10:38:53.328-07:00<h2>
Theresa May or may not?</h2>
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<span style="background-color: yellow; color: purple; font-size: small;">Is it not a bit of an anomaly that Theresa May who backed the Remain Campaign will now have to go to the EU to try and explain to them that them that it is to their advantage for the UK to leave. She will have to argue that Britain will not be a member of the EU but wish to enjoy all the advantages but not be subject to the disadvantages. I can imagine that France and Germany in particular will argue that she was in favour of remaining but now is trying to convince them of the opposite. </span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: yellow; color: purple; font-size: small;">It is difficult to imagine that the UK Government who initiated the referendum were not aware of the consequences of the vote - whether for or against - and the resulting economic chaos. At times of economic chaos, obviously, the markets can be played and vast sums of money can be made so who took monetary advantage of this situation? It is too simplistic to surmise that the referendum was held solely to attract UKIP voters although that was probably a useful by-product.</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: yellow; color: purple; font-size: small;">In the House of Commons May was asked if she would press the nuclear button causing the death of hundreds of thousands and she immediately, with no hesitation or deliberation, answered Yes but that raises several issues. Would she be allowed by her allies to do so without consultation? There is a protocol that the UK would only use nuclear weapons if under nuclear attack. However, potential enemies, devoid of the British sense of 'fair play', are hardly likely to give warning of an imminent attack and would obviously know where she was and could obliterate that entire area before she could act. It could be argued that nuclear submarines could launch attacks in retaliation but after the mishaps in the Isle of Skye and Gibraltar can they be regarded as a viable threat. To be honest if my arse was getting blown out of the window it would be no consolation whatsoever to know that men, women and children elsewhere were suffering the same fate.</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: yellow; color: purple; font-size: small;">The Labour party is a chaotic shambles - that's all I've got on that for now.... </span></h2>
John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-72716821217894759872016-01-07T10:23:00.001-08:002016-01-07T10:56:08.538-08:00<h2>
<span style="background-color: blue;"></span><u><i>Power to depress</i></u></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Whilst perusing Munguin's mighty organ I came across a comment from a contributor called Dean. As far as I am aware Dean is a post-graduate student which would indicate that he is of above average intelligence which makes his comment more risible and incredible. </span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Munguin's Republic is a blog which supports Scottish independence and on almost a daily basis points out the ruthless arrogance, inadequacies and absurdities of the current and previous UK governments backed up with actual and verifiable facts.</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Given this abundance of information what does Dean focus on? With information apparently gathered from the more rabid, which includes most of the UK, media his contribution concentrates on crowing regarding the situation of three SNP MPs who have been tried and found guilty by the mass media but by no-one else. </span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The three concerned are, we understand, under investigation and the longer the investigations take gives the media every opportunity to portray these investigations as proof of wrong-doing not just by them but the SNP as a party. </span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In the lead up to the Scottish elections we will find many more attempts by unionist politicians, aided and abetted by the media, to 'sling mud' at the SNP. As shown at the General Election the vast majority of voters will see these tactics for what they are and the reasons behind them. It is doubly disappointing then<span style="color: blue;"></span><span style="background-color: yellow;"></span> to see those with a supposedly superior intellect falling for these tactics. </span></h2>
John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-5991990409025637872014-08-08T06:09:00.000-07:002014-08-08T06:09:07.172-07:00 Options<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">Prior to the debate between Salmond and Darling it was obvious that the sticking point for Salmond would be the question of a currency union and so it proved. Claiming that the pound was as much Scottish as the rUK's - whilst it may well be true - and, therefore, could justify a currency union does not chime with impartial viewers who are aware that the Libdem, the Tories and the Labour party have categorically ruled it out and they certainly will not change their mind over that issue before the referendum.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">To my simple mind Salmond and the Yes campaign have two options.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">Salmond talks about the "sovereignty of the state" so, given that there is no immediate urgency regarding the currency an independent Scotland would use he could announce that in line with that sovereignty and due to the intransigence of the Libdems, the Labour party and the Tories over this issue that all the options will be offered to voters in a referendum after an independence vote. Actually, I view this "intransigence as utter contempt and feel that this should be impressed on voters. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">The advantages and disadvantages of each option could be clearly explained to voters.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">I think that this would have several advantages:</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">The Yes campaign would demonstrate their willingness to listen to the people and are prepared to act according. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">It would dispel most of the negativity displayed on a daily basis by the No campaign and the media.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">The No brigade would be deprived of the opportunity to criticise plans for the adopted currency.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">It would be difficult for politicians and especially Lamont, Davidson and Rennie, with future Scottih votes in mind, to attempt to ridicule such a stance. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">We would get away from this ridiculous "Yes, we can, No you can't" present situation. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">Those, like me, who do not want the rUK to have any say in Scotland's future policies would have the opportunity to vote over this issue. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">Alternatively, those who wish for a currency union. of whatever form, would have the opportunity to make their wishes heard.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">It would demonstrate that the SNP's White Paper is not necessarily the future direction Scotland will take.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">Those in the Yes campaign, and their voters, will take heart from such a move.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">Given that the will of the people has been consulted it would strengthen the hand of those who will be engaged in, post dependence, negotiations with the rUK Government.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">As I said previously my favoured option would be Scotland's own currency for reasons that I will go into when I have more time. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: yellow;"><b><br /></b></span>John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-53229775635931094962014-02-04T06:51:00.001-08:002014-02-04T06:51:59.765-08:00Oxymoron<span style="background-color: cyan; color: blue; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">A lady buys a top of the range Rolls Royce but took it back to the dealer the next day because the radio did not work. The dealer explained that it was a voice-activated radio which would respond to anything she wanted to listen to. For instance, if she shouted "Beethoven" the radio would play Beethoven and if she shouted "Elvis" the radio would play an Elvis song. If she did not want to listen to music she should shout "News" and the radio would respond with the latest news.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: cyan; color: blue; font-family: Courier New;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: cyan; color: blue; font-family: Courier New;">She tried it out several times and was delighted with the response. She was listening to some soothing music when a truck driven by an extremely stout gentleman swung out in front of her forcing her to slam on her brakes. She lowered her window and shouted "Fat moron" and the radio responded "This is a speech by Alastair Carmicheal on behalf of the Better together campaign"! </span>John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-83922979131887708912014-02-03T06:18:00.003-08:002014-02-03T06:18:56.906-08:00To see ourselves as others see us!<em><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">A recent discussion on Tris's illustrious blog, Munguin's Republic,r regarding portraits of the famous/infamous for enormous sums of money reminded me of an incident when I was a young sprog and budding young Constable - the artist, not the fuzz. We were set a project to copy a portrait by a better-known artist and I chose to try and copy "Tolstoy takes a rest in the woods" which portrayed a bearded gentleman, reminiscent of Conan, reading a book in the woods. Having spent weeks on it and going over it in minute detail I triumphantly handed it in only to be gently reminded, two seconds later, that Tolstoy probably had more than three fingers on his right hand as shown in the portrait.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Courier New;">However, I am still available at a reasonable price if the UK Government would like to get in touch. </span></em><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Courier New;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Courier New;">No, Taz, there is a limit to what I can do with the subject matter.</span></em>John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-16398505685608559282013-09-06T03:12:00.000-07:002013-09-06T03:12:44.703-07:00I'll get me coat.<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: yellow;"><b><i>An old lady in a care-home for the elderly had an electric wheel-chair where she would zoom up and down the corridors. An elderly gentleman, a former policeman, would suddenly jump out in front of her and tell her off for speeding, at the same time asking to see her licence. She would pull out her pension book and after looking at it he would say "Carry on but watch your speed". This would go on for ages and each time she would say "Not again" but each time he insisted on demanding her "licence". One day he jumped out in front of her totally naked and she exclaims "Oh, no, not the breathalyser again.................</i></b></span></span><div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: yellow;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: yellow;"><b><i>Murphy had a factory which made nails but his products were not selling well. A friend advised him to advertise on TV and told him that a friend of his produced videos promoting products. The producer invited him round to the studio to give him a sample of the advert he had devised. The ad began with a hill in the distance and as the camera zoomed in they could see that there were three crosses on the hill. As the camera zoomed in further they could see that there were men nailed to each cross and on further zooming in you could see the centre figure had nails in the palms of his hand and the caption was "</i>USE MURPHY's NAILS".</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: yellow;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: yellow;"><b><i>Murphy was horrified and said you cannot use the man on the cross because of the obvious connotations and the producer said "Are you sure because I've booked the advert to be seen after the first part of Coronation Street tonight but Murphy was adamant and finally the producer said "Okay, I won't use the man on the cross</i></b></span></span><b style="color: blue; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i>.</i></b></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: yellow;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: yellow;"><b><i>Murphy and his family were watching Coronation Street and eventually the advert came up. Murphy was horrified to see a hill in the distance and, eventually, three crosses on the hill. However, when the camera picked out the middle cross there was no-one on the cross and Murphy breathed a sigh of relief and said "Thank feck for that" but then the camera panned down to the bottom of the cross and there was a prostrate figure on the ground and the caption read "THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF THEY'D USED MURPHY'S NAILS"!!</i></b></span></span></div>
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John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-8408937252505321232013-05-13T05:17:00.002-07:002013-05-13T05:17:36.788-07:00If I was Salmond.......<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i>As a devoted reader and poster of nonsensical comments on the Scotsman newspaper(?) I cannot help noticing that, on rare occasions, the paper is less than impartial and that every initiative announced by the Yes faction is apparently scrutinised and dissected by the NO campaign before going into print. If one expert agrees with a Yes policies the Scotsman seems to find another expert to countermand the policy and the political opponents or other non-entities are quoted at great length. </i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i>Not that the Scotsman newspaper is alone in this lack of impartiality but the world famous tax-payer funded BBC even use judicious editing of news items to make them appear anti-independence as was the case with a senior Irish politician. We could expect something along these lines from unionist newspapers - we all know who they are - but not from an impartial broadcaster like the BBC.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i>Now, if I were Salmond I would say on behalf of the SNP and the Scottish government that: </i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Next year the people of Scotland will make the most important decision of their lives which will affect not just them but their children and their children's children and for generations to come.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>We will be voting not just for independence but also regarding monetary union or alternatives, membership of organisations such as the EU, NATO, the UN or alternatives to these organisations.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Whilst we were voted into Government with more MSPs than the other parties we are, of course, aware that significant numbers did not vote for us or our policies. We are also aware that we may not be forming the next Scottish government and that our policies might be subsumed by others.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>That being the case, in the event of a YES vote, to be fair to all concerned, we will hold a referendum on all issues such as those mentioned above and, in view of the importance of these decisions we will let the people of Scotland decide the future direction of this country.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>To my mind, such a decision would completely wrong-foot the Better Together campaign who would not be able to argue that Westminster knows best regarding the wishes and aspirations of Scottish voters.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>It would also attract voters who may, or may not, wish to join the organisations mentioned but who, at present, feel that their voices may not be heard or that their opinions do not matter.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>When all is said and done if voters feel that, far from being dictated to, they are being consulted in every aspect of their future they are much more likely to vote for the opportunity to do so.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-18262774785591165912013-03-29T09:21:00.000-07:002013-03-29T09:21:45.800-07:00Dear Darling,<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Dear Darling,</b></span></span><div>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>You may, or may not, recall that I wrote to you as Chancellor, which I understand means a big knob at the Treasury,regarding my tax situation. I was interested to read that non-doms, because their tax situation was rather complicated, reached an agreement with your good-self to pay a lump sum of £30,000 and thus avoided paying tax in the normal manner. I thought that this is an excellent idea which saves time and money.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>My tax affairs being just as complicated, if not in fact chaotic I wrote to you, therefore, to offer a lump sum of £200 per annum which I thought erred a tad on the generous side but we are not going to quibble or fall out over a matter of a few quid. I sent copies of the letter to all your houses which, as you can imagine incurred substantial postal charges but then again, heigh ho, it's only money.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>However to date I have not received your reply and am told that you are now responsible for Better together which probably explains the delay. I am dismayed that the better together is not, in fact, a referral to ladies knees. I was hoping that if ladies knees were better together it would prevent them indulging in the barbaric practice of dancing which is a scourge on our society and heavens knows where it could lead. Perhaps you could include that in your criticism of the SNP as I understand that Salmond is a nifty mover and shaker!</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>I have to offer my condolences to you regarding the effect of this bedroom tax which I'm sure will cost you an absolute fortune so if you need any advice on avoidance look no further. I have set up a group against this imposition which I intend to call the Bedroom Action Tax and would wish for your support. I once spent nine months in labour so can sympathise with their current difficulties.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Yours sincerely,</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>John B</b></span></span></div>
John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-59894091935890123022012-08-07T02:45:00.000-07:002012-08-07T02:45:57.485-07:00Certainly not Shakespeare<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u>Act 1 Scene 1</u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u>Location: A blasted heath yclept Dundee</u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u>Cast</u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><span style="color: magenta;">Alastair</span><span style="color: yellow;"> - A man of many mansions</span></u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><span style="color: magenta;">Charles</span><span style="color: yellow;">: Hit record singer - "Pick me up before you go-go"</span></u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><span style="color: magenta;">Annabelle</span><span style="color: yellow;">: A former Miss Easterhouse</span></u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b><u>Cho</u></b></span></span><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u><b><span style="color: magenta;">rus</span></b><b style="color: yellow;">: </b><span style="color: yellow;">White Feather Group and Flute Band</span></u></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: magenta;"><u>Annabelle:</u> </span><span style="color: yellow;"> </span></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Why are we on this freezing heath</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>when I have nothing on beneath?</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b><u>Alastair:</u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>That bastard Brownlie put us here</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>so he can snipe, insult and sneer</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Now that he's got us all together</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>I hope he'll send us better weather</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b><u>Charles</u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Why do we three meet again</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>In thunder, lightning and in rain</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Though we know it's all in vain</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>We have to start the "No" campaign.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: magenta;">Alastair:</span><br /><span style="color: yellow;">I'm no so keen on this word "No"</span></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>I've got five houses on the go</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>So when the gravy train doth flow</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>I find it hard to answer "No"</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Chorus:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Teeth of Lamont, shades of Gray</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>The gravy train is on it's way</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Claws of Curran, beard of Baillie</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Trebles and expenses daily</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Charles:</b></span></span><br />
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Och, I love the scene when'ere I go</span></b><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>After ten whiskies in a row</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>They'll say "One mair afore ye go"</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>I'm never known to answer "No"</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Chorus:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Teeth of Lamont, shades of Gray</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>The whisky trail is doon that way</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Annabelle</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>At dinner parties when I go</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Sitting next to dear Seb Coe</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>He whispers to me</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Sweet and low</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Fancy a quickie before we go</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>If it's hard I can't say "No"</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Chorus:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Smiles of Brown and bombs of Blair</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>He explores her tartan under- wear</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>By the ghost of Lard Foulke's granny</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>We think he found her hootenanny.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Teeth of Lamont, shades of Gray</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>The "No" campaign is oot the way</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Double question, toil and trouble</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Let Salmond burn and Sturgeon bubble</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>We've got no chance of bloody winning</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>The way that bastard Salmond's spinning.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Annabelle:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Do ye fancy a romp among the heather</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>and call the campaign "Better together"?</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Charles: </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>I'll drink to that, romp in the heather</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Yes, let's call it "Better Weather"</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Alastair:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>I'm no too sure about this romping</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>I'd rather hae a clootie dumpling</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>As part of a seven course dinner</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>In a five-star hotel, that's a winner</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><b>Chorus:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Teeth of Lamont, shades of Gray</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>The gravy train is here to stay</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>Mouth of Cherie, sakes of Foukes</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b>We'll all be Ladies, Lords and Dukes.</b></span></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-68606219198004474742012-07-28T08:42:00.000-07:002012-07-28T08:42:04.216-07:00Thank you letter!<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>This letter was sent to the Kirkcaldy High School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for pensioners. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>Dear Kirkcaldy High School,</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Old Age Pensions luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the Raith Home for Elderly Ladies. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for your kindness to a forgotten old lady.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>My room-mate is 95 and has always had her own radio but she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband and, understandably, wanted to keep it safe.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>The other day her radio fell off the night-stand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine and I was overjoyed to have the chance to tell her to fuck off.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>God bless you all.</b></span>John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-12602519281736670372012-01-11T11:25:00.000-08:002012-01-11T11:25:43.177-08:00What's the question??<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i>Now that the referendum date appears to have been confirmed as late 2014 much debate will be held as to the form of the question(s) to be asked and, indeed, how many options will be offered. According to the SNP their preferred option is for a straight yes or no for independence but, crucially, that they may accept a further option should that be forth-coming.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i>My own preference would, un-popularly I suspect, be for a straight choice between independence or a return to Westminster rule. My reason being that most, if not all, of the issues that I find completely abhorrent are, despite having a token Scottish government, still retained by Westminster.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i>For example, if Westminster decide to go to war there is nothing that the Scottish Government can do about it except voice their objections which will be, inevitably translated, again, by the media as wingeing. If they chose to waste money on a Trident replacement there is nothing the Scottish Government can do about it except voice their objections which will be, inevitably, translated, again and again, by the media as wingeing. If they chose to give away fishing rights there is nothing the Scottish Government can do about it except voice their objection which will be, inevitably, translated, again and again and again, as wingeing. There are other examples too numerous to record.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i>I believe that Scottish voters, having got used to having their own Government, inadequate though it's powers may be, would not contemplate, given the option, of returning to Westminster rule. This is a once in a life-time, for most, opportunity for Scots to stand on their own two feet and should not be squandered on voting for distractions such as the status quo, devolution max - terms to be dictated by the UK government - or any other distraction from the main purpose of holding a referendum in the first instance.</i></span>John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3967924368047168083.post-31546534224527788772011-10-16T12:24:00.000-07:002011-10-16T12:24:32.959-07:00Dear John Letter<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Dear Mr Brownlie,</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply today to our latest communication and to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might be more correctly referred to as a "tax demand". this is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling pleading vomited through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whist I have naturally not seen the mail to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, pirate electrical blackmailers and pissant gas-providers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is, at best, a little ill-advised. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of the letters see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you, as a citizen of Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of society as a whole.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be a spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes go to "shore up the canker-blighted, toss-pot folly" that is the civil service, a moment's rudimentary contemplation ought to disabuse you of the nation that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole bleeding coalition parties" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by tax collectors are, whilst quite colourful, are in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you imagine is spent on "junkets for brown-nosing lickspittles" and "pole-dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to what you call the "beer-swilling, time-wasting, box-ticking facade of government.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">A couple of points arising from direct queries</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been used as a practice because even if the personal allowance didn't render it irrelevant, on reflection and further study, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or another, I ought to point out that even if you do choose to say "feck off, you money-grabbing bowler-hatted seat polishers, I'm going to be a tax-exile" you are still obliged to give us the money. Please send it to us by return of post.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Yours sincerely,</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">I. O. Cash</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Tax Collection Service.</span></div>John Brownliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03248027418059598116noreply@blogger.com7