Oxymoron

A lady buys a top of the range Rolls Royce but took it back to the dealer the next day because the radio did not work.  The dealer explained that it was a voice-activated radio which would respond to anything she wanted to listen to.  For instance, if she shouted "Beethoven" the radio would play Beethoven and if she shouted "Elvis" the radio would play an Elvis song.  If she did not want to listen to music she should shout "News" and the radio would respond with the latest news.

She tried it out several times and was delighted with the response.  She was listening to some soothing music when a truck driven by an extremely stout gentleman swung out in front of her forcing her to slam on her brakes.  She lowered her window and shouted "Fat moron" and the radio responded "This is a speech by Alastair Carmicheal on behalf of the Better together campaign"! 

To see ourselves as others see us!

A recent discussion on Tris's illustrious blog, Munguin's Republic,r regarding portraits of the famous/infamous for enormous sums of money reminded me of an incident when I was a young sprog and budding young Constable - the artist, not the fuzz.  We were set a project to copy a portrait by a better-known artist and I chose to try and copy "Tolstoy takes a rest in the woods" which portrayed a bearded gentleman, reminiscent of Conan, reading a book in the woods.  Having spent weeks on it and going over it in minute detail I triumphantly handed it in only to be gently reminded, two seconds later, that Tolstoy probably had more than three fingers on his right hand as shown in the portrait.

However, I am still available at a reasonable price if the UK Government would like to get in touch. 

No, Taz, there is a limit to what I can do with the subject matter.