You may, or may not, recall that I wrote to you as Chancellor, which I understand means a big knob at the Treasury,regarding my tax situation. I was interested to read that non-doms, because their tax situation was rather complicated, reached an agreement with your good-self to pay a lump sum of £30,000 and thus avoided paying tax in the normal manner. I thought that this is an excellent idea which saves time and money.
My tax affairs being just as complicated, if not in fact chaotic I wrote to you, therefore, to offer a lump sum of £200 per annum which I thought erred a tad on the generous side but we are not going to quibble or fall out over a matter of a few quid. I sent copies of the letter to all your houses which, as you can imagine incurred substantial postal charges but then again, heigh ho, it's only money.
However to date I have not received your reply and am told that you are now responsible for Better together which probably explains the delay. I am dismayed that the better together is not, in fact, a referral to ladies knees. I was hoping that if ladies knees were better together it would prevent them indulging in the barbaric practice of dancing which is a scourge on our society and heavens knows where it could lead. Perhaps you could include that in your criticism of the SNP as I understand that Salmond is a nifty mover and shaker!
I have to offer my condolences to you regarding the effect of this bedroom tax which I'm sure will cost you an absolute fortune so if you need any advice on avoidance look no further. I have set up a group against this imposition which I intend to call the Bedroom Action Tax and would wish for your support. I once spent nine months in labour so can sympathise with their current difficulties.